finding the 'unlock'
a few thoughts & feelings that led to finally sending a newsletter
You know that feeling when a workout instructor puts the music RIGHT on the beat when you need an added push and it immediately gives you an adrenaline rush?
Or when you’re going for a run and right when you want to give up, the perfect song comes on and you instantly feel that runners high?
Or, my favorite, when you blast the right song when you’re getting ready, in the car, alone or with your bestie and everything just sort of feels HIGH & MIGHTY?
The last two days have felt a lot like that for me. Like a very necessary unlock.
I have been watching weeks go by, staring at my drafts, forcing the ‘perfect’ newsletter, but the truth is, I haven’t been able to find focus. I just feel constantly distracted, repetitive, and quite frankly, boring.
I just got a new car the other day, and as my husband was cleaning out my old car to trade into the dealership, it was nothing short of CHAOS filling the trunk, the side doors, the glove box, all of it.
He said almost jokingly but forthright,
“See, this is why you haven’t been able to focus, because your subconscious is full of clutter, just like your car.”
“You don’t see it, you step away from it, but the clutter is still there.”
I am not going to lie, that comment definitely didn’t resonate with me in the moment. But a couple days went by, and I woke up (yesterday) and just felt this deep need to have a slow, very intentional morning.
I woke up early but got out of bed slowly.
I didn’t go on my phone (rare), I just laid in bed cuddling with my dog.
I made a healthy breakfast.
I took my supplements.
I drank a lot of water.
I did my full skincare routine.
I stayed in my pajamas.
And for one full hour I journaled in the sun.
Finally, the breakthrough. The unlock.
It was like the perfect song playing at the hardest part of the workout, but the perfect song was my mind. My mind finally focusing, finally not distracted. Finally seeing it all super clear.
I slowly cleaned out the clutter, or as my mom likes to say, “cleaned up the crap.”
I realized that I love to start things but I have a really hard time finishing them. I realized that I do, in fact, have a million and one unfinished tasks, thoughts, things to do that are subconsciously holding me back. And in that moment, I freed myself of all of it. I broke off that blockage. I realized that the moment something gets hard, I lose focus, I get distracted, and that hard things stay unfinished, when really, how will I ever grow if I don’t do the hard things?
I made worlds longest list of every outstanding to do, from the most mundane task, to a personal to do, to a business to do. To the hardest to do’s. All of it. I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote.
And the biggest thing I realized, is that I am constantly stuck in ‘what next,’ that I don’t presently enjoy ‘what now’. I think instagram is the perfect example of this.
The algorithm knows I have been in a relationship for a long time, feeds me nonstop engagement posts.
I get engaged and then the algorithm feeds me nonstop wedding posts.
Now I’m married and the algorithm is feeding me nonstop pregnant women, and dear lord I have never felt like more women have been pregnant at the same time then right now.
Constantly pushing us to the next thing the next thing the next thing! Over and over and over again so that we are never satisfied with what is right in front of us.
It’s exhausting.
I made a new rule that whenever things get hard, instead of going on instagram to distract myself, I am going to cross something off my to do list, and slowly but surely the clutter in my mind will free, the chaos will settle, and my focus and energy will thrive.
I genuinely felt so present the last two days. I have barely been on my phone. It really sounds dumb, but I actually feel like I have been having so many thoughts, like I can really hear my thoughts for the first time in a long time. I allowed my mind to play! To be free.
So, all this to say, I was finally able to find unforced words today, the same words that all of my favorite newsletters have been led by –– flow. Just spewing out of me as if it’s my morning pages for the Artist’s Way.
It’s like the last few days have felt slow, but in a good way. Genuinely enjoying each moment. But before this little unlock, I was just letting the days, weeks, months fly right by me. Like groundhog’s day!
So, in my usual long winded way, try to find your unlock, the music that plays to your beat, the little things you need to feel a little less chaotic and a little more free.
And to tie it all back to style…play to the beat of styling for the day you want to have. It was interesting that on my ‘unlock’ day, that I opted for an ironed button down, linen shorts, comfy socks and slippers. I felt clean in my clothes and clean in my mind.
And then today, running late to my eyebrow appt (go see Amanda here if you’re in LA, she is best of best), I still put in the *slightest* bit of effort to feel cute, but simple because I knew I would want that flirty girl feeling with my freshly plucked brows. Muted blues and grays but a pop of red, feminine flats.
My next newsletter will be less journal and more style, I promise, but felt like I had to get into a bit with you all since I have been stuck with writer’s block the last couple of weeks.
All my love.
X
Drew